Funny/Hilarious Stories & Experiences

"Come with me, I am visiting a swimming pool by 2pm today, prepare if you want to join"
My brother said to me when we were done emptying the Sunday rice plates.

When we arrived at the location, people were all over the place, they laughed, dived, struggled and pedaled in the pool.

I was excited and all I wanted was to jump into the pool immediately.
My brother instructed that I trail his steps and stay close to avoid touching stories, which I obeyed.

We started a game, we were to escape from a chaser whenever he approached us.
I loved and enjoyed the game but not so much because I wasn't as good in swimming which made it easier for a chaser to catch me whenever I am targeted.

When the game ended, I stood a side and studied the best swimmers closely to find their trick. After minutes of watching, I went to the center edge of the swimming pool, and started imitating those guys. I flapped and flapped my hand but whenever I got up to check if I had swam to the other side, I was still at the same spot I started.

Burna just changed school, his parents switched him from his old school to a new school. One could tell from obvious reasons why he was switched, the first being that the new school was closer to their house, and they had many qualified teachers too.

It was break time and Burna was outside about to join in a football selection.

"who be this goat", a student said

"see en head like food flask, make he no touch this ball oo" another responded.

Burna was left speechless, in his former school, he was the chief commander in football, he was the one to select who was to and who was not to play.

" between me and you, who owns a big head? I wonder why these lizards are even allowed to go to school in the first place" he muttered to himself as he turned to leave.

Burna wasn't himself throughout the school hour. Immediately the school bell rang, he dashed off, one would think he forgot his pants because of the way he dashed off.

"all of you should kneel fast!!", Burna shouted at the 5 boys who had taken the road that went beside his house while they were going home.

" where is that frog that said my head looked like a foodflask? Shey all of the una dey when they been insult me and chase me comot for field?, una go hear am today", Burna threatened as he shook the chain that bound his dog.

"pls it's not me, i, I....", one tried to defend himself but Burna landed a knock on his head.

"I will just have mercy on you people, next Tim.. ", he was about to finish with his statement when they all took to their heels.

With a smile of satisfaction he took his dog back to it's cage and waited for tomorrow.

The next day, they rang the bell and this time it was no longer Burna asking to be selected, he was the one choosing who to play.

"oya food flask head, go and sit down, you no go smell this ball today" he shouted at one who was frowning at the whole process.

My brother chisom was a talented technician, he didn't learn a handwork related to that. It was just natural that he could have electronic devices working again after he had dismantled it and coupled it back.

The fan in the room where we both stayed usually had issues sometimes but he had been the one doing the repairs often.

During one particular day, we fought and he got mad at me, I also got bad at him to mention. And wouldn't let him touch anything that belonged to me.

During the early hours of the evening, the fan began to malfunction but instead of waiting for my elder brother to come handle it as always, I decided to prove that what he can do, I could do better.

I started work on the fan and after sever minutes of joining wires that I didn't know its functions, I plugged the fan for a test and surprisingly it let out a small spark but began to work. I saw the jealousy in my brother's eyes that night, but who cares.

I stood the fan close to my bed and slept with pride, not until I was knocked up by something that seemed like an aeroplane crash on my head. It was like a dream, the fan made weird noises.

I quickly sprang up and pushed the fan aside and ran out with fear.

I didn't touch the fan again for days and till now, I wouldn't touch that fan again, the mark it gave me is still on my head.

It was a hot and sunny day in Edo State, Nigeria. Okechukwu was sweating profusely as he walked to the market to buy some tomatoes for his wife. He wished he had enough money to buy an air conditioner, or at least a fan, but times were hard and he had to make do with what he had.

As he approached the market, he noticed something strange. The people were running around in panic, screaming and shouting. He saw some vendors throwing away their goods, while others were trying to salvage what they could. He wondered what was going on.

He asked a woman who was carrying a basket of fish on her head. "Aunty, wetin dey happen? Why everybody dey run?"

The woman looked at him with fear in her eyes. "You no hear? The president don talk say make we no use generator again. Say na solar power we go dey use from now on. Say na him way to fight global warming and save money for fuel subsidy."

Okechukwu was confused. "But how dat one take affect us here? We no even get light for this area."

The woman shook her head. "Na the problem be that. The solar panels wey dem install for us no work well. Dem dey freeze everything wey dem touch. See my fish na, dem don turn to ice block. Even the tomatoes, pepper, yam, everything don spoil. Na so so cold dey blow for here now. Abeg, make you run for your life before you catch pneumonia."

Okechukwu was shocked. He looked around and saw that it was true. The market was covered in frost and snow. He felt a chill run down his spine. He wondered how this could happen in Nigeria, a country that was known for its heat and humidity.

He decided to go back home and tell his wife what he saw. He hoped she would believe him and not think he was lying or mad. He also hoped that the president would reverse his decision and restore the generators, or at least fix the solar panels.

He thought of the irony of the situation. Nigeria, a country that had one of the largest oil reserves in the world, was now suffering from too much cold because of a faulty attempt to use renewable energy.

He laughed bitterly as he walked away from the market, leaving behind a trail of frozen footprints.

A girl missed her periød 2 months ago, her mom took her to the clinic for prēgnancy test of which it was positive. Embārrassed, her mom said, who is the pig that got you prēgnant? The girl picked up her phone and made a call. An hour later, a young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the girls house.

Good evening, the man greeted... Your daughter told me the prøblem in the house. I can't marry for now because of my family issues, but I promise I will take care of her for the rest of her life, and if she gives birth to a girl, I promised to buy her a mansion, 2 jeeps and 1million dollars. If it's a boy, I 'll buy her houses in a country side, 5 jeeps, 2 big factories and 5 million dollars in her account. If it's twins, I 'll do anything she asked. But if there's miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?

The girl father silently pat the young man on his shoulder and said , my son, if there is mīscarriage, you'll sleep with her again.

A man walked into a restaurant and shouted his order aggressively.
"Please give me 2 pieces of chicken 🍗 and give everyone here 2 pieces of chicken each because when I eat others must eat too" . So the waiter served everybody their food.
After they finish eating , the man shouted again
"Give me one bottle of whiskey and give everyone here 1 bottle of brandy each because when I drink everyone must drink too".
The waiter severed everyone their drinks
Everybody in the restaurant were really happy
and started hailing him "jack the great" 😂

After the man have finish drinking, he shouted again, "give me my bill and give everyone here their bills too because when I pay my bills everyone must pay their bills too "😂😂😂😂😂

Well jack will be buried this coming Saturday hope u will attend as well 😂😂😂

I went out for testimony in church lol oooh well dress I was dressed to kill so I wanted to pepper 😂😂 people ohh I swear too God and unfortunately I slipped ooh and I fell

Emir of kastina said the problems in Nigeria is responsible for his health condition this is a serious one the problems in the this country is affecting both the rich and poor. Let him get well

Just yesterday I got the advise of a lifetime. And I would respect this idea until ever.
"Money isn't everything, don't live for money, don't let money drive or Influence you" my distance uncle said. He continued "you'll have to live alone in depression the day you decide to choose money over people". I thanked him for the advise and promised not to compete for money and live a slow humble and smart life.
But you see this money, I go drag am. This girl don dey win this Sunday gist everytime 😁

"we can't pay such outrageous amount" the students barked. "We should organize a protest" a suggestion from the small pack.
"Yes! A protest by 6pm and we must spread the news on all social platforms" another voice echoed.

"We no go pay shishi!" Was the angry song as the scattered queue marched in their small numbers gaining little or no attention.
About an hour later there was a mass, a crowd, no a large mob. After short distance paroles, there was music for the angry students. Girls with only undies made the day remarkable for the boys by dancing and puting their waists off bearings.
It was a protest to remember, we can't pay such fees, not at all!

THE BEATING
It was the third time this small guy shouted at me to shut my mouth in public as if he had more to himself more than the small slim and weak size I see. I was so enraged this time. "I'll teach this boy how to respect people" I said to my friends as I walked to his direction uncharged (he was no match so no need for alarm), I just wanted to stretch out and give him a hard slap (you know those kind of adults slaps) people cheered and people were pleading I leave the boy but this small man had insulted me way too much.
My hand was close to his cheek when I saw imaginary stars and surprisedly I saw myself on the ground. The small boy had brushed me to the ground.
I knew immediately that the fight was bigger than it looks, I didn't want a fight with him. As I stood, he made forward and brushed me to the ground again. I immediately pretended to give up, drew back and made to walk away while he to turned to walk away. But I couldn't let this slide, I ran behind him and without him noticing gave him the most resounding slap of his life, that adult slap!.
I saw tears on his eyes as I ran from him.
I beat him. Yes I did, he was crying.
The slap was unbearable.

Just on our way back from school with the sun🌞 set high above, my friend David who had been cat-walking for minutes because he was pressed😵 and wanted to poo. Suddenly let out a quick shout 😫as he dived into a cassava farm nearby.
"Dave no shit for person cassava oo" I screamed at him.
"Rest osinso, nothing go happen. To shit for person farm dey sweet🤥" he replied.
"Who's there!!"🗣️, An energetic elderly voice rang just too close to where I stood. He was right behind me already and I couldn't make a sign to notify my friend that the farm owner was in sight😿.
David must have been shaken by the strong voice because I could just hear him running 🏃through the cassava stems, breaking some as he plundered to my direction frightened😱.
The elderly man held his collar🧟. David had ran into the man's waiting arm immediately he ran out confused of from where the direction of the sound came from .
"What were you doing there?" The man asked, with a wicked grin😏.
" I... I wwass... I was just .." he was still mumbling when the first slap landed on his cheeks🤯.
I was shocked by the sound of this very slap, I would have fainted if it was me. I wanted to laugh at the sight of my friend looking like a hanging rag in the man's palm but decided it wasn't wise to.
I swallowed hard not to laugh when we later continued our journey home. David's chin looked delicious, swollen and red like toasted chicken🍗.
He had started wailing when he received his third slap. Big boy in the mud😁
I bet it must have been the sweetest farm shit experience of his life.

Can I win the Gist Sunday_ #1000?😩
A long day as I scrolled down my screen with rather what seemed like a tensed countenance😵. Then came the sight of the #1000 to be claimed with the highest likes.
That attracted me immediately!😯. Less than 4hours was left to declare the winner and other contestants had already made interesting write-ups many hours back🧭. I knew immediately that I had no chance. But then, with #1000, I could buy some peanuts😋, recharge my line and spam the groups with stickers✅, call peoples girlfriends and impress them with how long I can hold onto a call, get #100 oranges and then carry my heavy contents around like I've got 🍕 pizza in it.
I also imagined the @mindviewers recommending my post and be like : "artified! Ur post was spectacular, you have just won"🤸🤸
What a dream. Because of 1k chaii.. God help me😥

Note: This isn't funny, from one point of view, but then, from another...

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.

Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I am the designated decoy!"

What I witnessed earlier this week
😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅

Spiritual problem is when someone trek 🚶6km to work 🏢 just to get there and realize that he forgot the office key at home 🏠. So he managed to trek 🚶 back home leaving his heavy bag 🎒 at the office 🏢 doorstep...

On getting home 🏠, he realized that his house 🏠 key 🔑 is in the bag he left at the Office Doorstep... He got upset,🤦🏾‍but had no choice, so he trekked 🚶🚶 back to the office again, picked up his bag 🎒 angrily, and trekked 🚶 his way back home 🏠 again..

On getting home 🏠, he dipped his hand ✋ into the bag 🎒, only to realize that the office 🏢 key was in the bag 🎒 all along... Now he sits on the floor shouting...
"Make una kuku kill me ooohhh village people. 😃😃😂😂😂😂😂

My people I want make una laugh small,
Laughter is a good medicine my pple..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

On a beautiful Wednesday morning I set out to go run some errands for my mum on my way I met a man all dressed up with a suit that early morning but my mind was where I was going all of a sudden he called me I was shocked he started saying you are planning to travel abroad am I lieing I didn't answer because it wasn't true and at that point I didn't understand who he was then he went further and said you guys are four two girls and two boys at that point I understood so I said no because it wasn't true so he became a little uncomfortable so he said sorry I mean you guys are three I told him no he said again but you are planning to travel out the only limitation is money I said a big no at that point he was speechless and I just walked passed him within me I laughed fake pastor and prophecy everywhere just to get money it's that bad using the name of God to joke

Hi guys

So it was about noon yesterday when my friend called in, saying she just saw something that gave her a shock.
Guess what?
She was at a function (event) and was "meandering," in order to get noticed by the cool guys (I already know😝).
Next she walked in onto TWO WHITE MEN WHO WERE POUNDING YAM with all iota of seriousness.
Chai.
She thought she didn't see correctly and looked sternly.
And it was what it was.

She kuku stole a shot or two and forwarded to me.

I almost would not have believed sef.
Lmao!

For Nigeria na prayer u go use collect ur money