A broken dream
Nneka was a young, beautiful and ambitious lady, she had big dreams for her life. She wanted to further her education, she wanted to be a professional Nurse, she wanted to travel the world. She got a good job as a single lady and was gradually following her dreams, and then love struck. She met a charming young man.. David. Nneka had already travelled a few times out of the country before she got serious with David.
David was a loving sweet gentle man, he also had ambitions and big dreams, she loved him and he loved her…. then they got married. Marriage came with different demands and new responsibilities. David asked her to resign while he concentrated on building his career so she can be there for the children and take care of the home while running a business. She was to manage the business.
David never asked if Nneka was a business person or if that was what she really wanted. Nneka on the other hand accepted this request because she wanted her husband to be happy and she wanted her home to be fine (she thought)
Fast forward to 25 years after marriage, David fell sick …it was cancer and he didn’t survive. But one thing was certain, he died fulfilled or almost fulfilled. He was in his place career wise and was getting better just before he fell sick.
Nneka today is almost 60 but she’s kinda sad. She’s always reminiscing on her early years as a young woman, thinking about her aborted dreams and what life would have been like if she had not given up on her ambitions. It’s mostly regret for her, asides that she finds consolation in her children and her grandchildren. They seem to be her major achievements, which to her, doesn’t seem satisfactory enough.
I’m sad because I see this circle repeat every day…. So this is a message to young men and young women out there…
For the ladies
Sometimes you give up your dreams and sacrifice your ambitions in the euphoria of a marriage promise, or a marriage, forgetting that the excitement is only temporary and that reality would hit again soon especially when the chips are down.
When we go into a relationship that would potentially lead to marriage, we sometimes leave out some of the most important points to consider, one of which is our individual life plans, and our potential partner’s commitment in helping us achieve our life goals.
I know when two people get married, they become one… But actually, it’s still two different individuals, with different minds, and different dreams. And of course these individual differences will still play out even when they became one.
Ladies…
Before accepting that marriage proposal, discuss your dreams and ambitions and make sure he is committed to seeing you achieve your dreams, while you also show commitment in helping him achieve his.
Don’t be forced or cajoled into buying his dreams at the expense of yours. You both can support your individual dreams
Men….
It shouldn’t always be about you. Have you asked her what her plans are? Her dreams, her ambitions… she shouldn’t join you in fulfilling your ambition while she gives up hers. Trust me she may seem happy that you are happy and she may not voice out, but she could be full of regrets and unhappiness deep down. There should be a balance because we are all humans.
But of course…
If your biggest ambition as a lady is to get married and have kids, then by all means go ahead and disregard this message.
And if your partner is happy to share homely responsibilities and shows the desired commitment to see that both of you achieve your life goals, appreciate them and be equally supportive.
I know this goes both ways, but we live in a society were men are mostly particular about their wives and girlfriends joining them to build their thing and achieve their dreams without due considerations of her personal ambition… we always say “it’s for us” but what about her, is that what she really wants?
It’s okay to support your husband, infact you should do it… but husbands, it’s equally okay and fair to support your wife and help her achieve her own dreams.
If there is good planning, you both can achieve your individual goals, though it may take a little time. But first, there must be a will to support each other, and both parties must value and see each other’s dream as important.
What has caused so much disaffection in many homes today, especially when its coming from the wife, is the frustration of seeing her dreams and ambitions go down the drain for the marriage.
Encourage and support your angry wife to pursue her lifelong ambitions and see her become the happy and bubbly woman you once knew.
David was a loving sweet gentle man, he also had ambitions and big dreams, she loved him and he loved her…. then they got married. Marriage came with different demands and new responsibilities. David asked her to resign while he concentrated on building his career so she can be there for the children and take care of the home while running a business. She was to manage the business.
David never asked if Nneka was a business person or if that was what she really wanted. Nneka on the other hand accepted this request because she wanted her husband to be happy and she wanted her home to be fine (she thought)
Fast forward to 25 years after marriage, David fell sick …it was cancer and he didn’t survive. But one thing was certain, he died fulfilled or almost fulfilled. He was in his place career wise and was getting better just before he fell sick.
Nneka today is almost 60 but she’s kinda sad. She’s always reminiscing on her early years as a young woman, thinking about her aborted dreams and what life would have been like if she had not given up on her ambitions. It’s mostly regret for her, asides that she finds consolation in her children and her grandchildren. They seem to be her major achievements, which to her, doesn’t seem satisfactory enough.
I’m sad because I see this circle repeat every day…. So this is a message to young men and young women out there…
For the ladies
Sometimes you give up your dreams and sacrifice your ambitions in the euphoria of a marriage promise, or a marriage, forgetting that the excitement is only temporary and that reality would hit again soon especially when the chips are down.
When we go into a relationship that would potentially lead to marriage, we sometimes leave out some of the most important points to consider, one of which is our individual life plans, and our potential partner’s commitment in helping us achieve our life goals.
I know when two people get married, they become one… But actually, it’s still two different individuals, with different minds, and different dreams. And of course these individual differences will still play out even when they became one.
Ladies…
Before accepting that marriage proposal, discuss your dreams and ambitions and make sure he is committed to seeing you achieve your dreams, while you also show commitment in helping him achieve his.
Don’t be forced or cajoled into buying his dreams at the expense of yours. You both can support your individual dreams
Men….
It shouldn’t always be about you. Have you asked her what her plans are? Her dreams, her ambitions… she shouldn’t join you in fulfilling your ambition while she gives up hers. Trust me she may seem happy that you are happy and she may not voice out, but she could be full of regrets and unhappiness deep down. There should be a balance because we are all humans.
But of course…
If your biggest ambition as a lady is to get married and have kids, then by all means go ahead and disregard this message.
And if your partner is happy to share homely responsibilities and shows the desired commitment to see that both of you achieve your life goals, appreciate them and be equally supportive.
I know this goes both ways, but we live in a society were men are mostly particular about their wives and girlfriends joining them to build their thing and achieve their dreams without due considerations of her personal ambition… we always say “it’s for us” but what about her, is that what she really wants?
It’s okay to support your husband, infact you should do it… but husbands, it’s equally okay and fair to support your wife and help her achieve her own dreams.
If there is good planning, you both can achieve your individual goals, though it may take a little time. But first, there must be a will to support each other, and both parties must value and see each other’s dream as important.
What has caused so much disaffection in many homes today, especially when its coming from the wife, is the frustration of seeing her dreams and ambitions go down the drain for the marriage.
Encourage and support your angry wife to pursue her lifelong ambitions and see her become the happy and bubbly woman you once knew.
