Funny/Hilarious Stories & Experiences

It’s been ages since I got anything worthwhile from airdrops, and I was really hoping this one would be different. I had my eyes set on it, thinking this might finally be the turnaround I’d been waiting for. With December around the corner, my plans were already forming. You know that feeling when you’re budgeting imaginary money? That was me, ready to ball out for Detty December with the “profit” I was expecting.

A few days before the listing, my friend told me to let go of any hope I had for the project. He said it wasn’t looking good and that I should move on. But me? I’m stubborn. How could I agree when I’d already started spending the money in my head? I told him he was being negative and convinced myself it would work out. After all, wasn’t this how people hit it big sometimes?

Then came the listing day, and my heart broke into tiny little pieces. The coin didn’t even give me back a quarter of what I put into it. The value was so bad it felt like a joke. I sat there staring at my phone, wondering why I didn’t listen to my friend or at least wait it out. But no, I had to believe in my “Detty December dreams.” That’s how reality gave me a slap to wake up.

After this disaster, I’ve decided to stay off Telegram for a while. If any project or group starts to call my name, I’ll ignore it unless an angel descends from heaven to tell me otherwise. For now, I need to regroup, focus on what’s real, and forget about the promises of quick cash. Lesson learned the hard way.

After the Sanctuary work on Saturday, I wanted to ease myself so I went to the toilet to urinate. On my way back, I heard one of the old women narrating her experience the previous Saturday. She had smoked some banana /plantain for them to enjoy after work. She told her friends if they are interested in bole (smoked plantain) with palm oil.

On hearing this, some of her friend already took position, spread clothe on the ground and sat down to unleash their hunger on this delicious food. She brought out the oil, poured it inside a plate and she was looking for the bole. The bole is nowhere to be found.

Her friends disappointed but they trusted her that she can't joke with such things.

On getting home, she sighted the bole on her kitchen couch. She packed everything but the bole.

My 1st time working on Corel draw, men I felt like I was very good at this when someone said "I can't believe that u where the one that did this on your own". And then I asked "who else would have done this if not me" . He answered me by calling the name "Jason"

Unfortunately jason is my little cousin who is 7 yrs of age Omoh vexation nearly finished me when I realised what he truly meant.

As it stands right now I dey go back dey go punch person Pickin for mouth, that guy us style Take insult me thinking say I no go know

My childhood days are the type to remember and give out a heavy laughter, pack filled adventure that was embarked on with fear and panicking, but remembering it now looks funny. I remember tampering with my father's DVD, breaking and repairing items to cover up, in order not to be caught and scolded. If I'm asked to rank the various incidents, I think this one I'm about to say now should come first.

My father bought a DVD and a film disk was included in the pack, the film was full of action; fighting, gunshots, violence. So my dad hid the film so that we will no longer watch it, because I was already displaying some of the fighting moves in the house. But you know kids fully well, my siblings and I searched and found where my father hid it. We only get to watch the film when my parents are not at home, this continued for a while till something happened.

On this fateful day, we brought out the film, and watched it when my parents were not at home, using NEPA light. But NEPA respects no one, they took the light, leaving the disk in the DVD. Fear gripped us, we knew we will be scolded if my father finds out, so my siblings and I launched a rescue mission. We went to switch-on the generator, but we got ourselves into another big problem; the rope used to rotate the engine cut into two.

What a problem! My brother went to buy a new rope, while I loosened the DVD using my mother's kitchen knife. For the first time of loosing a DVD, I didn't know what to do, but I figured it out, I successfully removed the disk and coupled the DVD back. By the time my brother returned from buying the rope for the generator, we figured out how to fix it back, it took us hours, but we finally got everything done.

The things that fell apart to us were put back together, though with fear and uncertainty, but the fear of getting scold wouldn't let us give up without at least giving it a try. I don't think there is anybody as a kid that didn't do anything bad or unacceptable, and then try to cover up. The aim is always not to receive beatings, and the thing is that kids will keep on getting themselves into problems after the other untill they are fully grown up, some of us discovered our talents and what we are good at in the process. Imagine me uncoupling and coupling a DVD, I no reach to be engineer?

Aftershocks I traveled from my hometown to school, I made a decision to avoid the local food around the area. I had heard stories about the negative repercussions of eating it, and my previous experiences told me it didn’t sit well with me. However, I noticed some of my colleagues, who also came from the outskirts of the community, enjoying their local meals and claiming how delicious they were. It was evident they were genuinely savoring every bite, but I remained hesitant, particularly about trying Okpa that was exceptionally popular in the region.

One fateful day, a neighbor cooked Okpa and brought some over for us to share. The aroma traveled through the air, making it impossible for me to resist. That day, I decided to finally give it a try. I took my first bite, and I must admit, it was incredible. The texture and flavor were unlike anything I had experienced before, and before I knew it, I found myself eating more than everyone else at the table.

But as the night wore on, I began to feel uneasy. I couldn’t shake the growing discomfort in my stomach. The satisfaction of trying something new quickly turned into anxiety and restlessness.

My uncle did his traditional marriage last week Thursday, everything went very smooth, just that his committee of friends that came did something I find very funny. My uncle has friends he goes with to clubs, parties, events and drinks with them to the fullest. So they were actually his very close friends that he hangs out with, and on that day, they did to him what he always does with them, especially when they are partying or celebrating; drinking to stupor.

Know or unknown to my uncle, his committee of friends came to his traditional marriage with their own crate of high alcohol drinks, you know that kind of thing na, your tight friend getting married calls for maximum form of celebration. Just as they always do, this people drank and got extremely intoxicated, it's not like they misbehaved openly, just that they became very weak and left where they were seated to ease themselves a bit.

When the traditional marriage was over, and it was time for the committee of friends to help with packing of chairs, and help tidy up some other things, omo they were nowhere to be found, the ones that were found were too intoxicated to be able to do anything. When my uncle searched further, he even found some of them in the nearby bush, some in the vehicle they came with, all intoxicated and sleeping. I laughed so hard, but my uncle was angry.

Even the guy that served as the best man to my uncle in the white wedding was high too, there is really no one to be blamed for this, my uncle is also like his friends. Having friends that you drink to stupor with, and on the day of your wedding, you expect that they won't exhibit the same behavior. But it was embarrassing, my uncle had to do everything by himself when he had friends. I laughed all through, committee of friends turning into committee of Red eyes, no one was useful when needed the most. Like this, I had to go through my list of friends and do some reevaluation, so as not to suffer the same fate.

So, I got a very bad haircut from one barber like that. I can’t tell exactly what was wrong with his hands, but he messed up my hair in a way that made me question if he was even trained. Discovering this fact, he tried to correct it but ended up making it even worse! He kept thumping on my head nervously, his hands shaking as he tried to fix the disaster he had created.

The chairs in the barbershop was under pressure, suffering under the weight of my anxiety as I watched chunks of hair fall around me.
After what felt like an eternity, he stepped back and proudly proclaimed, “The end of III world war"

I looked in the mirror and could barely recognize myself! It was as if my hair had been attacked by.. What's the name of that machine that they use to cut grass?

The other customers in the shop tried to control their laughter, but I saw right through their eyes and couldn’t help but join in. As I paid the barber and left, I vowed to never take my regular barber for granted again.

I branched along the market to buy a face cap that would cover my shame—my hair looked like it had just survived a crash. Well, I bought the cap, put it on, and started walking majestically. At least the side of my hair that showed was somewhat manageable, unlike my hairline at the forehead.

But then, unfortunately, as I was passing by a group of girls, I noticed a familiar face among them. She reached out to me for a handshake, and as she drew closer for a hug, she mistakenly knocked off my cap! The girls erupted into horrid laughter that left me in shock. But I still managed to comport myself.

Some police officers always like standing at this particular roundabout that is always very busy, extorting money from vehicles for no reason. Instead of trying to reduce the heavy traffic, they make it worse, allowing vehicles that bribe them to make illegal turns and drive one way. The junction was adjacent to our house, we see this everyday. I remembered how they embarrassed my brother when dropped from a taxi, and crossed the road back home, thinking he was running from them.

But on this fateful day, their deeds catched up with them, convoy of army were passing along that road and got stuck in the go-slow, some military officers walked on foot to the front to see what is causing the go-slow. Only to find the police doing what they always do there, the army officers got pissed off and extremely angry. The police got surrounded, disarmed, and made to do frog jump, accompanied by whips from the koboko. I saw surprised seeing army officers dealing with police officers in that manner.

Some of the police officers tried to escape, they ran and got chased by the army officers. One of the police officers ran into our compound, he removed his police uniform, leaving only the white T-shirt he wore under, in order to disguise himself as a civilian. He begged my mother not to expose him to the army officers, it was a funny moment for me, my mother was like, "so now you can beg? But the only thing you know is collect money from people". We didn't expose him, the humiliation was enough.

People watched as the police officers got drilled, people looked happy oh, because this police officers are always on people's nerves. No police officer showed up there again for a week, but you know them na, they started coming around again after a week, bit by bit, I guess they make a lot of money from that spot. We look forward to when the army will visit them again there. I remembered this incident that happened few years back, because of the numerous recent news of police officers extorting money from citizens illegally.

While taking a bath this evening, a memory from my childhood popped into my mind, making me chuckle while I was in the bathroom. I fondly recall the years between 6 and 13 when I felt a sense of strength that set me apart. I wasn’t muscular in the average sense because I was still a kid after all, but I had a physique that was more developed than most of my peers.

My brother often used me to intimidate his friends, as I was his “older brother” in a way. There was one particular incident that stands out. He challenged me to a fight against one of his friends, who was older than both of us. I had all the confidence in the world, thinking I would easily win. But then the unexpected happened: I got the first kick right in my stomach.

That moment was a turning point for me. I remember standing there, holding my stomach and feeling a mix of embarrassment and pain. That first blow was disarming, i lost all my strength.

After that fight, I adopted a new mindset. Instead of trying to portray strength, I focused on being smart and clever, by only intimidating with my physique but never initiating a battle.

When I got the invitation to the church conference, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it sounded like an interesting event. I didn’t fully remember the theme, but I figured it would be a normal gathering with praise, worship, and a few sermons. When I arrived, everything started off fine—uplifting music, warm smiles, and a lot of people who seemed genuinely happy to be there. Most of the attendees were students, so I blended in easily. For the first hour or so, I felt pretty comfortable.

Things took a turn when it was time for prophecies. A young girl approached me confidently, saying she would prophesy to me. I was open to hearing what she had to say at first, but her "revelation" didn’t sit well with me. She said I was a student, which was an easy guess given the crowd, but then she started talking about struggles in school—stuff that felt like pure negativity. It wasn’t anything profound, just a list of generic bad things. I felt uncomfortable and took my hands away, signaling her to stop. I didn’t come here for doom-and-gloom predictions.

As if that wasn’t enough, a man came up next. He moved to stand in front of rows of people, and to my shock, everyone in the row he faced fell to the ground as if struck by an invisible force. I was frozen in disbelief. It wasn’t something I’d ever seen before, and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening. Was it faith? A performance? I had no clue. All I knew was that I didn’t feel at ease. My instincts told me this wasn’t the place for me.

I decided to pray quietly to God on my own, seeking clarity and protection. I prayed for strength and wisdom to handle whatever spiritual atmosphere I was in. The environment was overwhelming, and the theatrics around me didn’t feel right. After finishing my personal prayers, I made up my mind to leave early. Staying for the full event didn’t seem wise.

I left the conference about two hours before it was supposed to end, feeling relieved to be out in the fresh air. As I walked home, I couldn’t help but reflect on how I ended up there in the first place. It was an eye-opening experience, not just about others but about myself. I realized the importance of discerning invitations and protecting my own spiritual peace.

I began my journey around 7 AM, with the intention of reaching Lagos before the next day. I packed my traveling box with plenty of clothes, excited to show off my style.

However, just as I was halfway to the park to board the bus, the handle of my large bag broke. It’s important to mention that there were no available means of transport; everyone there simply walked to their destinations.

So, I had no choice but to carry my big box despite all my fashion sense, my drip, i had to carry it on my head. It was a challenging situation, draining my baller steps, my composure, and all my pride. Despite the struggle, I managed to arrive safely in Lagos, and I was grateful for that.

On arriving, I got a relaxing welcome. A cold chivita to cool down my cooking blood and afterwards, I was blessed with a plate of well cooked Egusi soup. I forgot about the stressful journey immediately I was done with the food fight.

Going down memory lane, I can still remember this very night. I was lying in my sweet bed, but I had chosen not to take my evening bath. My mom always said that taking a bath before bedtime was important, but there was a movie on TV that I found so interesting that I just couldn’t leave the seat. Taking to take my bath will cause me to miss a scene which I wasn't planning to.

As I lay there on my bed dozing soundly, I felt something strange on my skin. I didn’t know what it was, and it scared me a lot. I tried to ignore it, but soon the little stings turned into a swe that made my skin feel itchy. I just couldn’t help it so I started to wail loudly.

I called for my mom, who hurried into my room. I told her about the stings and how I thought there might be a little ant or bug in my bed and pointed to the blanket, tears streaming down my face. As I waited for her to find the evil ant while I suffered the sting pains.

My mom gently lifted the blanket and looked around my bed, but we couldn’t find any ants or bugs anywhere. Maybe they were hiding really well, or maybe it was because I didn’t take my bath and the dirt got mixed up with my sweat. I don’t know, but it was such a long night, very scary and painful all together.

As the minutes turned into hours, I kept crying. My mom sat with me, rubbing my back to help me feel better and I could still remember sleep creeping back on me as my wail reduced and died out as I entered the wonderland. Till date, I do not miss taking my bath all evenings.

Wondering what was raising a fuss, I was forced to the end of the banister, from where I was able to catch a perfect view of the scenery about to unfold.

It was one of those end of the year meetings that usually drew all old men to a particular zone (meeting spot) and it could have been a smooth event if not for the two old men who stood a distance away from each other threatening to engage in a fist war.
Suddenly, they rushed at each other, digging their arms into each other as they clashed.
Yh, these two entertainers were people's father and I shouldn't be enjoying such sight but then, each move made by the two opponents baffled me and all I wanted was more of it.

The older opponent seemed more flexible than his challenger, but he must have received a lot of blows to his head. His hand was only trying to get a grip on his challenger's shoulders as if to support his thin legs.

In utter amazement, I watched as the struggling old man skillfully swing the challenger onto the hard ground in what looked like a Scene from WWe.

The crowd let out a roar in honour of the indisputable champion who stood his ground above the whimpering heap of his challenger.
His once thin legs were now to me: a pair of concreted bones made solely for such athletic stunts.

I thought the fight would continue, but once the slammed staggered to his feet, he carefully looked for a perfect shade to seat and rest his body which almost lost the life in it.

I have known Chinedu quite well since childhood. We even went to the same secondary school, and all the time that I knew him, he had no beard not even a strand of hair under his chin. We all knew this until he traveled three months ago. Then, upon returning last week, he looked so grown up and manly, with a full grown beard that even looked wild. It was as if he was born with it.

I asked him for the secret behind those hairs, those beards under his chin, but he wouldn’t say. He claimed he was already growing them before he left, but I knew within myself that he wasn’t growing those hairs before he left.

It was until yesterday, when I visited him after he took his bath, that I discovered the truth. I was alone in his room when I saw the kit. It was an oil kit that contained a hair booster, a beard booster, whatever. When he came out from the bedroom and saw me handling the oil containers, he let out a laugh, realizing I had already caught him. But before he could make any statement to justify his reasons or whatever, I had already scrubbed a good amount of the oil in my hand and dabbed it on my chin too. Who doesn't want that kind of beard

As I was sitting today in my seat and reading a novel, a romance novel to be specific, I spotted a large mosquito fly in through my doors. I had opened the doors and left my curtains down, you know, and suddenly this mosquito, which was extremely larger than the normal species, made its entry.

I immediately glanced around for my broom, but I couldn’t find it at first where I had dropped it, it might had slid away.
After a quick search, I finally picked up the broom and made my way back to confront the mosquito. It flew around loudly and sharply, with that irritating sounds that all mosquitoes made, except that for its size, the loudness was more loud.

I fought this mosquito for several minutes, waving the broom in all directions, until I finally managed to hit it. It fell down, and I couldn’t help but study it like a scientist examining a specimen. It was such a funny experience though, I couldn’t help but wonder, is that kind of mosquito categorized in our biology, I doubt if a mosquito that large was categorised in those textbooks.

I still remember the day I stepped onto the scale before starting my 300L first semester. I was suprise to see 50kg. I felt a sense of accomplishment, knowing I'd maintained that weight since 2016.

As the semester progressed, I kept a close eye on my weight. By exam time, I had dropped to 46kg. I wasn't worried; I knew it was just a temporary fluctuation, probably because of the exam stress and other factors that might be personal. As at the time the semester was coming to an end I was back up to 48kg.

Life got busy, and I didn't get a chance to check my weight during those times. But recently, I decided to step onto the scale again. I wasn't too sure what it would be this time but to my greatest surprise I weighed 54kg! Wow I had finally broken through the 50kg barrier.

I couldn't wait to share the news with my friends Fatima and Ogechi. Those girls has always talked down on me each time we discussed about our fitness journeys, and now I felt like I had something to brag about. Fear my return.

Interviewer: How much amount of milk does
your cow produce?

Farmer: which one, black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: 2 litres per day.

Interviewer : Where do they sleep?

Farmer: The Black one or the. White one?

Interviewer: The black one

Farmer : In the Barn

Interviewer: And the White one?

Farmer: In the Barn also

Interviewer: Your cows look healthy... What do
you feed them?

Farmer: which one..black one or white one?

Interviewer: Black one

Farmer: Grass

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: Grass

Interviewer: (Annoyed) but why do you keep on
asking if black one or white one when answers
are just the same??

Farmer: Because the black one is mine.

Interviewer: And the white one?

Farmer: Its also mine.

I was just enjoying my own time going about my today's activities after washing my clothes. When I was done washing, I dived into my phone and started playing some soccer games. I connected with an online friend to battle and guess what? I came in second place! I don’t like to say I lost, so I prefer to say I came second. My friend beat me, and it was so funny because I had already boasted about how I was going to win before the game even started.

As evening set in, two of my female friends, who I wasn’t very close with, showed up. One of them was celebrating her birthday.
It’s funny because the one who was celebrating her birthday is the same one they often call my wife at school. I was not exlecting to see her after I posted her on my status and sent her a private heartwarming message.

They pulled me out of my comfort zone and insisted that I buy some suya meat for them. I wasn’t really planning to be a host, but that’s how I ended up spending money I didn’t have.

I’ll never forget this experience. It was raining lightly that day when I got home a bit soaked. I made my dinner hoping that when I'm done showering, I will eat then sleep immediately.
I quickly rushed into the bathroom to rinse off. While I was halfway done with bathing, NEPA took the light, but thank God for my rechargeable bulb, so I kept going.

Out of nowhere, the power came back, and that bulb exploded with a loud sound. I was so terrified that I slipped and fell on my back. My heart was pounding, but the miraculous thing was that my head was safe.

After that scare, I had no interest in continuing my shower. I dried off quickly, wrapped myself up, and went to my room, relieved nothing worse had happened. Even the food I was supposed to eat, I left it on the table till morning.

There is a time I visited my aunty and went with her to a PTA meeting at her son's school, I didn't want to stay alone at home, so I decided to follow her to the meeting. My aunty have been emphasizing on how necessary and important it is for her to be in the PTA meeting, that she needs to address some issues that have been going on for a while, I had no idea what it was. The school was one of the biggest schools in town, with primary and secondary levels with boarding facility inclusive.

Her son was about 2 years old, and in the nursery class. The meeting kicked off in earnest, parents tabled their complains, but the biggest complain of all was by the corner. My aunty raised up her hand and complained about how her son doesn't ever return home with any remaining food in his lunch box, she said that she puts much food than her son can finish in the box, but yet he never returns home with any. She said that she suspects that the teacher eats her son's food.

She presented her evidence; she said that she decided to intentionally put an undone meat with bones in it that was still very strong in her son's lunch box, knowing too well that the little boy couldn't chew a strong meat that has bone, but still, the boned meat could not be found in the lunch box when the boy got home, it was empty, not even the fragments of the bone was found. How on earth???!!! The woman was sure the teacher ate it. Another parent stood up to say that his little child in the same class usually says that their teacher goes round with her plate when they are eating to scoop a portion of each of their food to eat.

The parent didn't believe the kid, because he thought the child was just saying it, but after what my aunty just said, he believed it's true. Reactions sparked up, the proprietress asked the teacher to stand, the teacher was a grown woman which I guess should be in her late 40s, the look on her face confirmed that she's guilty, she couldn't denied and nodded her head in shame to confirm that the accusations is true. The parents reacted angrily, yelling at the woman, my aunty was raged, she has been waiting a long time to expose this teacher.

It was added that the woman doesn't come to school with food, because she eats from the children in her class everyday, perhaps depriving the little kids of the good meal they are supposed to have. The proprietress addressed the issue and assured the parents that the teacher will no longer be in the nursery section, she was transferred to the primary section where pupils eat on their own. She was queried, and her salary for a month wasn't paid. I was shocked oh, very shocked, things are happening.

I entered the street today; I just decided to take a stroll around the school.
I dressed up very exotically, very expressively, and I wanted to flaunt my new dress, I had received the outfit from an uncle abroad.

The stroll was something that I just wanted to do for fun—it was Sunday. So I went into school, grooving and walking with all pride and comfort, greeting friends along the way and all that.

My main aim was to visit the hostel. There was a friend there who had been inviting me over and over again, but I had not had time. So I decided to go there, coupled with the fact that it was a Sunday.

When I arrived at the hostel with all my pride, my friend was able to identify a tear behind my well-ironed shirt.
I was disappointed. Who knows all these girls out there looking my way?
See mess up, but if it is for fun, I actually did have fun today.