Funny/Hilarious Stories & Experiences

Just on our way back from school with the sun🌞 set high above, my friend David who had been cat-walking for minutes because he was pressed😵 and wanted to poo. Suddenly let out a quick shout 😫as he dived into a cassava farm nearby.
"Dave no shit for person cassava oo" I screamed at him.
"Rest osinso, nothing go happen. To shit for person farm dey sweet🤥" he replied.
"Who's there!!"🗣️, An energetic elderly voice rang just too close to where I stood. He was right behind me already and I couldn't make a sign to notify my friend that the farm owner was in sight😿.
David must have been shaken by the strong voice because I could just hear him running 🏃through the cassava stems, breaking some as he plundered to my direction frightened😱.
The elderly man held his collar🧟. David had ran into the man's waiting arm immediately he ran out confused of from where the direction of the sound came from .
"What were you doing there?" The man asked, with a wicked grin😏.
" I... I wwass... I was just .." he was still mumbling when the first slap landed on his cheeks🤯.
I was shocked by the sound of this very slap, I would have fainted if it was me. I wanted to laugh at the sight of my friend looking like a hanging rag in the man's palm but decided it wasn't wise to.
I swallowed hard not to laugh when we later continued our journey home. David's chin looked delicious, swollen and red like toasted chicken🍗.
He had started wailing when he received his third slap. Big boy in the mud😁
I bet it must have been the sweetest farm shit experience of his life.

Can I win the Gist Sunday_ #1000?😩
A long day as I scrolled down my screen with rather what seemed like a tensed countenance😵. Then came the sight of the #1000 to be claimed with the highest likes.
That attracted me immediately!😯. Less than 4hours was left to declare the winner and other contestants had already made interesting write-ups many hours back🧭. I knew immediately that I had no chance. But then, with #1000, I could buy some peanuts😋, recharge my line and spam the groups with stickers✅, call peoples girlfriends and impress them with how long I can hold onto a call, get #100 oranges and then carry my heavy contents around like I've got 🍕 pizza in it.
I also imagined the @mindviewers recommending my post and be like : "artified! Ur post was spectacular, you have just won"🤸🤸
What a dream. Because of 1k chaii.. God help me😥

Note: This isn't funny, from one point of view, but then, from another...

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.

Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I am the designated decoy!"

What I witnessed earlier this week
😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😅😅

Spiritual problem is when someone trek 🚶6km to work 🏢 just to get there and realize that he forgot the office key at home 🏠. So he managed to trek 🚶 back home leaving his heavy bag 🎒 at the office 🏢 doorstep...

On getting home 🏠, he realized that his house 🏠 key 🔑 is in the bag he left at the Office Doorstep... He got upset,🤦🏾‍but had no choice, so he trekked 🚶🚶 back to the office again, picked up his bag 🎒 angrily, and trekked 🚶 his way back home 🏠 again..

On getting home 🏠, he dipped his hand ✋ into the bag 🎒, only to realize that the office 🏢 key was in the bag 🎒 all along... Now he sits on the floor shouting...
"Make una kuku kill me ooohhh village people. 😃😃😂😂😂😂😂

My people I want make una laugh small,
Laughter is a good medicine my pple..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

On a beautiful Wednesday morning I set out to go run some errands for my mum on my way I met a man all dressed up with a suit that early morning but my mind was where I was going all of a sudden he called me I was shocked he started saying you are planning to travel abroad am I lieing I didn't answer because it wasn't true and at that point I didn't understand who he was then he went further and said you guys are four two girls and two boys at that point I understood so I said no because it wasn't true so he became a little uncomfortable so he said sorry I mean you guys are three I told him no he said again but you are planning to travel out the only limitation is money I said a big no at that point he was speechless and I just walked passed him within me I laughed fake pastor and prophecy everywhere just to get money it's that bad using the name of God to joke

Hi guys

So it was about noon yesterday when my friend called in, saying she just saw something that gave her a shock.
Guess what?
She was at a function (event) and was "meandering," in order to get noticed by the cool guys (I already know😝).
Next she walked in onto TWO WHITE MEN WHO WERE POUNDING YAM with all iota of seriousness.
Chai.
She thought she didn't see correctly and looked sternly.
And it was what it was.

She kuku stole a shot or two and forwarded to me.

I almost would not have believed sef.
Lmao!

For Nigeria na prayer u go use collect ur money